Crying because I’m lost. I just got home from two hours of nonstop cardio at the gym and I’m so exhausted. All I want is to take a nice warm shower and relax. But no, god forbid I miss a night of cutting. So I’m going to cut for probably an hour and then quickly wash my hair/body for about five minutes and not enjoy any of it.
I fucking hate this addiction so much. I want out. I want it all to end. This is killing me. Self harm has taken literally everything from me. I don’t have time for anything else anymore. It’s the only thing on my mind. I want to put all my dedication into being healthy (working out, eating right, self caring, etc.) but the addiction won’t hear any of it. It wants to be the center of my world; and it is. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’d rather die than live one more day as a slave.
Anxiety isn’t a fashion statement it’s a miserable disorder with actual real uncontrollable symptoms that eat you alive and distance you from the people you love so stop making it “trendy”
A bunch of people at my mom’s work keep telling her that me doing online school next year is a mistake and that kids who go to the school I’m going to either drop out or get their credits screwed up. My mom is trying to convince me to stay in public school, but it’s just not going to happen. I can’t. I refuse to sit in classes for 8 hours a day with no friends and crying every day and using self harm to get me through it. I shouldn’t have to live like this. I’d rather be at home. If they screw up my credits, it’s not like I’m going to let it happen. I’ll make sure they do everything right. Kids from this school have gotten into Harvard and Yale, so I’m not worried at all.
i think the only thing that’s holding me back from committing suicide is the people that are gonna go around and say that they “miss me” and “loved me” and “cared about me” when they actually never ever gave two shits about me. i don’t want people to be affected when i die, i want them to continue and go on with their lives, to just completely forget about me. i want that to happen when i die but i know that’s not gonna happen.
Spooky Spider Girl